Spies...and more spies

"Looking back, that did seem a little suspicious..."

Hope everyone had a great Fourth of July!

Still thinking about the about the 11 “illegals” rounded up this week and charged in the biggest international spy scandal in years. Got to thinking: how can you tell your neighbors are spies?

Here are some ways according to (of all sources), the New York Times:

• When you ask where they went on vacation, they shoot you and bury your body upstate.

• Instead of asking, “Can I borrow a cup of sugar?” they ask, “Do you know anyone in policy making circles?”

• When your daughter tries to sell them Girl Scout cookies, they call her a capitalist cretin and order one lousy box of thin mints.

• Use teeny-weeny camera to take family snapshots.

• It’s a beautiful day — and again with the trench coat?

• Only family in the neighborhood that drives a Lada.

• Every spring, house festooned with elaborate May Day decorations.

• They politely decline to answer questions about their matching Sputnik tattoos.

• When you all got together to watch the “Sopranos” episode in which the Russian gets away in the woods, they cheered.

• Rather than a lemonade stand, their kids sell shots of Stolichnaya out on the sidewalk.

• The parents return any children’s birthday gifts that have a Rocky and Bullwinkle theme, leaving a note expressing their preference for Boris and Natasha.

• When they’re away on vacation, you can hear small explosions and see smoke coming out of the mailbox from self-destructing letters.

• They name their Russian wolfhound puppies Che and Fidel.

• To get their backyard barbecue grill going, they use reams of microfilm.

Then there are those activities that seem perfectly normal to me, but may be suspicious to "normal people":

• They knock at the front door in Morse code.

• Their satellite dish not only receives signals from outer space, it also sends them.